The Woman With The Eyebrows Has Moves
“Why don’t you come by tomorrow and I’ll cook you lunch,” she asked, while clearing the empty plates and wiping down my table.
“I thought tomorrow’s your day of rest?”
“I mean to my location, not the restaurant. It’s simply a room, but I have a small electrical range that I use on the veranda. I can prepare pad krapow moo for you.”
“Possibly,” I said. “But let’s go get some drinks tonight.”
Living in Thailand was changing me into a category of male that I never ever believed I ‘d be. Though it’s also a category of man that’s so exceptionally foreign and ridiculous that it’s become downright fascinating for me to observe. I gleefully enjoy myself as if I were watching some meaningless simulation in a video game. What’s he going to do now?! What zany experience will befall him next?!
The category of male that I mention is the kind that selects up his waitress at a little, outdoor restaurant next to his fitness center in an alleyway in Patong, Phuket, and after that sleeps with her.
Though I didn’t imply to pick her up or sleep with her. We were just making breezy conversation about my favorite Thai Dating App meals and the ones that she excelled at cooking. It was a late afternoon on a Tuesday during low season, and so the dining establishment was empty and Phuket was uncharacteristically quiet. The locals were easy, nearly tired, nearly miserable, and in requirement of social interaction. Everything happened so organically.
She was my waitress– the only waitress, really, because 10-seater joint– in her early twenties with chunky hair, soft functions and fair skin that revealed her Chinese ancestry. She dressed fashionably in denim black joggers and matching black V-neck, a lone bra strap teasingly exposed, with stylish, tortoise-shell glasses balanced precariously on the tip of her nose. She was assembled well with the exception of her unnaturally thick eyebrows, in proportion and too arched, that were apparently drawn on with a broad, felt-tip marker, the kind with the excessive fumes. They were too outlandish to be an error, and she was too impressive otherwise, so I presume they were a new trend that I was unaware of.
“You’re not from here,” I said. She didn’t fit the profile of the other residents.
“Chiang Mai,” stated Eyebrows. “I’m new, though. Eight months.”
“So how come there’s no great pad krapow moo in Phuket?” I asked her. Pad krapow moo– holy basil pork– was my dish of choice that I would consume every day in Thailand. Sometimes twice. Constantly with a fried egg.
“All the good chefs moved to Bangkok to open dining establishments and Phuket’s stuck with the leftovers. The cook here is okay, however I’m better. He will not let me touch anything, however. Perhaps in a couple of months.”
“You like to prepare?”
“Hey, I’m from fucking Chiang Mai– I can cook anything!”
Eyebrows had an edge to her that was too audacious for a Thai lady, who are generally meek and reserved while the sun’s still up. I chalked it as much as her living in Patong Beach, where she must be hit on numerous times a day by inebriated, obnoxious foreigners on vacation. (Thankfully, thai dating app I wasn’t any of these things at this uncommon minute.) The joint was empty so she talked and sat while I ate, about her household in Chiang Mai, her uncle’s dining establishment that we were sitting at, and how she thinks she was adopted due to the fact that she’s a “beach, not mountain, lady.” I completed my pad krapow moo and she cleared the meals.
“Why do not you come by tomorrow and I’ll cook you lunch?”
Unusual– I never got this sort of invitation before, specifically from somebody in the service market. This need to be the handle Phuket: it’s normal for the waitresses to date the clients. This shit wouldn’t fly in Bangkok, or anywhere else in the world.
“Maybe,” I stated. “But let’s go get some drinks tonight.”
Eyebrows got off work at 9pm. I left my motorcycle at my hotel and strolled back to her uncle’s restaurant, in the alley next to my health club. She appeared much shorter than in the past, but the eyebrows were the exact same. We strolled a couple of blocks north to Bangla Roadway, rather potentially the most terrible street in all of Southern Thailand (intoxicated travelers, unpleasant promotes, thumping and flashing bright lights techno), but we remained in the mood for live music, and Bangla Roadway was the place to get it.
We hopped from bar to bar on the main pedestrian drag, struggling to find a place that matched our state of mind. Some locations were too sports-barry, while others were too Russian hookery. Bangla Road has evolved drastically over the previous decade since I first came here, the most staggering modification being the white backpacker ladies who are now giving out flyers for the Pussy Shows, seemingly trying to finance their extended trip, while their regional teenage managers lorded over them with 50 baht notes. How the tables have turned.
I stayed with shitty mojitos (since there are no great mojitos on Bangla) and Eyebrows downed shot after shot of tequila.
“I don’t really like to drink,” she said. “My secret is, I simply have four or 5 of these, and then I’m great for the night.”
“If anyone has four or five of those, they’re excellent for the night. That’s a dumb trick,” I said.
“You’re dumb,” she said.
So Eyebrows drank her tequila and I consumed my mojitos and we ended up unavoidably drunk and undoubtedly constructing in the corner of that huge beer hall at the entryway of Bangla, the one with the full stage and live music. There was a Filipino cover band with each band member dressed from a different category: a Bob-Marley lookalike on skins, a spectacular goth chick on bass, and a flamboyant, androgynous diva in a red velour one-piece suit with a cigarette mustache and slicked back hair. He was all over the place, blending popular songs from Michael Bublé to Beyoncé to YMCA.
Eyebrows took her sixth shot of Cuervo and I changed to San Miguel Light to hydrate.
“What should we do now?” I slurred.
“We can go around the corner to the other bar, or go consume moo ping,” she offered.
“You know what I want to do?”
“I want to find a location to lay down with you.”
I picked my words thoroughly so regarding not come off scary, but then came off even creepier than if I had actually simply said, Let’s go someplace and fuck. “I wish to find a location to set with you” has an unusual, morbid undertone to it, doesn’t it? Like, “I wish to put down with your still-warm remains …”
We talked about the logistics: we could not go to my hotel because all guests were prohibited. We were in Patong, Phuket, after all, and hotels didn’t desire the risk of unregistered hookers running around, stealing toilet paper and stabbing their consumers. And Eyebrows lived in a female-only dormitory where guests weren’t allowed after sundown.
“There should be a love hotel,” she stated. We roamed the blocks surrounding Bangla Roadway, littered with motels and hotels and hostels, looking for any sign that they charged hourly rates like in Tokyo. No such luck. We asked the front desk of one of the mid-range hotels, and they provided us a disgusted and suspicious (dispicious?) look and said, Mai mee– offered out! then shooed us out. We were reluctant to attempt that again.
“How could you not understand of any?” I asked her. “It’s fine that you have actually done this in the past. I’m fine with it.”
“What type of lady do you believe I am?” she stated. Well …
“Let’s simply go to my hotel,” I stated, defeated. “I’ll simply spend for another visitor.”
We went to my hotel and, fortunately, the front desk was unmanned. I rapidly ushered Eyebrows to the elevator and we snuck approximately my room on the 17th flooring, kissing in the elevator and passages along the method. We quickly undressed and got into bed where we had ordinary sex till the end, when Eyebrows had to carry out a remarkable finishing move in order to trigger her own orgasm. We rested and she executed her maneuver when more, with surgical precision and consistency, and we came all at once and strongly, like some fabricated scene in a shitty Hollywood film.
We woke up in the middle of the night, tangled, not knowing where one body ended and the other started. Eyebrows put her clothing on and I bid farewell to her at my door rather of the lobby.
The next day, I relocated to a hotel in downtown Phuket, far from the traveler areas and closer to my coworking office. Eyebrows didn’t seem shocked. “Okay, well it was great to fulfill you,” she messaged.